Vulnerable

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There’s nothing like just sitting with your old friend.  It’s like that comfortable feeling of coming home, free to just be you, knowing that you are safe with no fear of being open and honest.  Yet, sitting with an old friend that you have outgrown or has been dishonest with you can feel down right toxic.  This kind of person is constantly in a state of fear or victimhood.  They inevitably end up judging you or pressuring you but most of all creating unnecessary drama.  

I honestly came to a standstill; I was over it.  Could this be the last straw?  All I wanted was to leave or go to sleep so I didn’t have to discuss or feel this pain any longer.  Constant chatter and endless emotions sent me into a tailspin. The sense of inevitable doom charged the moment… and I felt myself reacting. I would do anything to shut them up. During these times I would reach for anything to distract them:  party, escape into a mindless movie, Facebook surf, seek others attention, mind numbing actions, but never facing the situation heart on.  

Stewing in my exhaustion, I recognized the need to take a moment to calmly sit with them in silence.  Eventually I created a space which allowed me to not react but become grounded in my personal power.  I was able to take this time to question and feel what was awaiting me. What are the triggers or stories that stir me up?  It’s said that when a particular trigger is set off it is a reflection of something that we do not like within ourselves.  I attempted to remain calm during this uncomfortable space, and eventually these awkward waves of energy dissipated.  I was able to see that their intentions were coming from the right place. They may have sensed I was not being 100% honest with my own needs or not coming from that special place in my heart thus leading them to feel unsafe with me and constantly testing my intentions.  

I needed to contribute more of my authentic self to our relationship to bring safety within our bond.  It was remarkable how this silence gave me the space to learn how to manage our relationship. I had to remind myself to remain in my heart and not my head space.  This allowed for empathy and compassion to surface which eases anger and frustration. As much as they can be so annoying and constantly challenge me, I love them so much and I know how much they love me.  We have been through a lot together and I can see how it could be easy to judge and become over protective.  I appreciate that they care enough to not want me hurt or harmed in anyway.   

When I finally took the time to slow the situation down and not react, I saw how I ultimately was the one who allowed the other to control my state of mind.  Constantly testing me, by dragging me from one place to the next, sabotaging opportunities, not trusting, becoming jealous, mindless, needy.  I started to allow this golden moment of silence to blanket us with reassurance that we can trust in each other.  Allowing us to get to the heart of the matter.  Once I became more of a witness rather then the victim, I was able to breath, and embrace the ultimate Love that they so innocently have for me.  My heart became more open and I felt so much more calm and hopeful and optimistic for our future. I guess I just had to acknowledge them and let them know I love them, I hear them and they can trust that we got this.  Sometimes we have to be the bigger person in the relationship, and lead with awareness of their needs, and respect loving boundaries. I allowed that space to be there for both of us to be safe, to be vulnerable and more open with greater opportunities to grow. 

I’m sharing this with you all cause we all share a relationship like this.  Ours is not unique, but unique to me.   This kind of relationship is with yourself.  As we spend more time creating that space and silence, we allow our relationships with ourselves to blossom.  Let’s face it, He or She are in it with you for the long haul, so you best get to know them.  Gives a whole new meaning to BFF.

Editor: Anita Antonio 

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default616_0Hidden Words have Hidden Meanings.  Revealing your words in order to find the meaning is so much easier said, than done.  Our challenge is to learn how to find the correct word to describe our true meaning.  The first step is to give yourself permission to search the corners of your self that you have avoided in the past.
Searching brings out a fear in all of us but entering those dark places can allow us to emote, to share a bright burst of light through which a once scary topic brings out our courageous approach.  Trust is key, this is the only method in which you can allow yourself to have enough vulnerability to enter places once thought to be barren.  If we can trust that we possess the abilities to keep ourselves safe  we can  achieve almost anything.
Does this come with experience?  Could we just go right in with blind faith?  I guess that is all up to the individual.  Lately, I’ve been experiencing that I have the choice to be happy or unhappy — it’s as simple as that.  The simplicity of it all can also be pretty annoying.  It can be so tempting to play the victim, or throwing out the “yeah buts”.  Giving  ourselves the seal of approval to not take those chances due to our circumstance or facts that fit is too easy.
I’m not afraid anymore to dig deep for the words to emote the true meanings of my desires or fears for that matter.  Once I acknowledge them it’s like they don’t have any control over me anymore.  I’ve recently read the book “The Untethered Soul” by Michael A. Singer.  I highly recommend dipping into this book.  A good friend recommended it and it has truly blown my mind a few times over.  Without reciting the whole book, it just gave me the insight to just be in the moment of the triggers that occur and let them pass through like clouds on a sunny day.
Instead of putting up all this armor to protect yourself from the rain that will fall, you slowly start not to go out at all to prevent the potential of a drizzle from ever happening, we stop and forget to feel what that rain brings to us. Basically, we can run but we can never hide.  Like the cloudy day, is it really that bad to get a little wet?
Tears, like rain can nurture the soil of our souls and blossom beautiful flowers of Love and Opportunities our way.  They don’t say stop and smell the Roses for no reason.  With each passing cloud that comes our way, run out into it and know this is your opportunity to turn the soil of the bed you made for yourself.  It’s going to be ok, weeds will always sprout up, but as we know if you don’t pull it out by the root of the problem it will always find its way out again.  So those hidden words can be found out in the ominous clouds.  Discover the blossoming new meanings life can bring you.
Don’t allow yourself to stay dormant and be alone out in your Mohave Desert.  This will only have you thirsty for nurturing and being delusional by the mirages you see before yourself, that trick you into quick fixes.  I get scared, and I get frustrated, impatient like any of us can.  The thing that has changed for me, is the freedom and empowerment I gave myself.  This reassures me that I have the abilities to assess what makes me scared, frustrated etc., and have the insight to express them in a loving way.  This kind of freedom allows you to run free into the darkness knowing it will enrich you, challenge you, and help you grow.  Our words are like fertilizers, sometimes it stinks and it’s shitty.  Yet all the past experiences that organically have broken down in our spirit, can be used like enriched compost to tend to our gardens.  I’m excited for all of us to trust we have a green thumb, allow yourself to open up and get out there.  The sun will shine through the clouds and reveal the true abundance you seek at the end of your rainbow. 🌈
Editor – Anita Antonio 

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What captivates us?  Have you ever noticed what stops us cold in our tracks in wonder?   Wonderment can take one to the heights of an incredible sunset or the  feelings of vulnerability expressed by a street performer.  As I reflect on the question of what takes us to these captivating places I realize that the common thread is Wonder.

Do you ever wonder if you are brave enough to allow yourself to be vulnerable?  Would you allow yourself to tap into the “Zone” that we all seek but secretly fear?  Do you wonder as you reflect on that beautiful sunset that you are in a moment of inspiration and it is a special point in time where your pause is what brings out the spirit of wonderment.

Jason Silva refers to these times as “awe moments” where we get to witness mankind open up to a inner wisdom almost beyond our control.  The “Zone” is that place of pure expression, a place where judgement, fear & control do not exist.  Musicians, dancers, singers, painters almost any form of artistic expression gives us an opportunity to go deeper into our true authentic self.  A self that is beyond our human conditioning, an inner power that bursts through your being, freeing you from the chains of prejudice and fear.  

That’s probably why nature is so breathtaking, it owns its power and shows up regardless of the conditions.  Lets face it the sun is going to keep rising and setting regardless if there is an earthquake today.  So if we follow natures examples we too will rise and descend with such grace and beauty.  Let go of expectations we have of ourselves and of others.  Life will organically unfold, it’s a power that is beyond us.  Life is always in the Zone; we just have to surrender to its ebb and flow and enjoy the reflection it sends us. 

In that same regard, being human is an artistic expression.  You don’t have to be a performer to be artistic.  It could be your grace, your smile, the style you have or the way you touch, or in the way you present yourself.  These are all examples and sometimes even more relevant. The feeling of being significant or worthy of attention, is all apart of our human nature.  

When you bear witness to others allowing themselves to align with nature to be their true authentic selves it is magical.  Scientific studies show that if you witness someones magical nature you will receive ten fold more of that magical energy than was bestowed upon the individual expressing their gift.  WOW, isn’t that sensational?  Maybe that’s why the entertainment industry strives regardless of the economic conditions.  

It’s amazing when you stop and look around at all the people watching that sunset – craving and awaiting for that magic to penetrate their spirit.  This ceremonial ritual is not planned nor is it even in our control, it just naturally happens.  Be aware the next time there is a sunset… oh yeah, tonight or tomorrow or most nights … take a quick inventory of the people watching and even the ones that don’t have time to stop due to their busy day but fight themselves not to pause and quickly take a picture.  Great excuse to take a picture, so you have to stop.  Well maybe it’s because you really are drawn to stop and watch another magical moment of appreciation and gratitude.  Which in itself gives me a hope that deep down in everyones human experience is just that human Nature.  A natural draw to want magical wonder… awe ;~)

I want to honor you to allow your unique expression to shine through regardless of the conditions because I appreciate the inspiration and am grateful for our examples we reflect with each encounter.  

Shine on my Crazy Diamond.

Editor Anita Antonio

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tumblr_nng7f8khFi1qdzpwbo1_1280What is Love?  Can we really define it?  Is it a feeling that is beyond description? Lately I’ve been opening my heart to Love.  Love for friends & family, but mostly towards a romantic relationship.  Falling in Love – WOW – even when you think about that statement:  “Falling” it seems so reckless and uncontrollable.  This means we must let go of our control and really have trust and vulnerability. I guess it’s like free falling – you and an unstoppable force that draws you to a destination.

Allowing ourselves to fall into Love with someone is trusting that they will always be there.  Could the reason we are hesitant be the fact that we do not want to fall flat on our faces?  Yikes! I will leave you to come up with your own conclusion on those facts.

In my discoveries of late, I’ve recognized that childlike feeling that comes over you when you reveal you want to fall, yet are almost asking permission if you can allow yourself.  A good friend of mine, and fellow rabbit hole dweller, shared a great point with me.  Whenever we are learning something new, it’s like being a student.  This brings out a childlike energy in all of us. We strive to get it right as we risk the feeling of embarrassment if we feel we are being judged. 

To allow learning to happen, we must all be each other’s teachers and students.  We must also be patient and hold space for the inner student in all of us to grow.  What I am trying to say is be gentle with yourself and in time you will learn to open your heart and soon you will be the teacher.  Then you will get the chance to share that learning curve with another eager student. 

Deep down inside we are all Love Warriors.  It starts with learning what is important to us and how we feel loved. Soon you will trust in yourself to be kind and patient with your most vulnerable desires.  Once we understand our needs and desires we know how to satisfy them. 

Whether you know it, or not, the feeling of someone expressing their appreciation for you in their life is priceless.  We all have different ways of expressing our Love.  I highly recommend you discovering your method of expression. 

Gary Chapman breaks it down in his 5 Languages of Love as follows: Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time, and Physical Touch.  Once we understand what fills our Love tanks then we can teach others without fear of being hurt.  We just need to understand each other more. 

Here are my scores: Straight out of the website: http://www.5lovelanguages.com/profile/

9 — Quality Time

7 — Physical Touch

6 — Acts of Service

6 — Words of Affirmation

2 — Receiving Gifts

Quality Time

In Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes you feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed activities, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful. Whether it’s spending uninterrupted time talking with someone else or doing activities together, you deepen your connection with others through sharing time.

Physical Touch

A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, and thoughtful touches on the arm—these can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive. Appropriate and timely touches communicate warmth, safety, and love to you.

Acts of Service

Can helping with homework really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most wants to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter. When others serve you out of love (and not obligation), you feel truly valued and loved.

Words of Affirmation

Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important— hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten. You thrive on hearing kind and encouraging words that build you up.

Receiving Gifts

Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous—so would the absence of everyday gestures. Gifts are heartfelt symbols to you of someone else’s love and affection for you.

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Love sometimes get’s lost in translation …make it worth your while and be multilingual.

Anita Antonio Editor

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A friend recently told me there is some truth to the phrase “All You Need Is Love”.  I’ve been blessed to experience the shine of Love; not only from a lover, but from friends and family as well.  Brightness appeared when I stopped searching the darkness for a light bringing me to the realization that the light was shining within me.  Do you want to know why?  Well, I am that light I have been seeking all along.

Throughout my lifetime I never knew that I have been dimming my own inner light so as not to blind others.  Conditioned by societal fears and insecurities I pondered on what is safe or what is the “Right thing to Do”  which caused me to get caught up in second guessing myself and questioning my own authentic heart.  My insecurities brought me to a place of awkwardness for the Love I wanted to share with another plus even the act of accepting the Love of another made me feel exposed.  I associated my compassion and curiosity for people as neediness and weakness.  Once I recognized these feelings within myself, I was able to observe all the dimmed lights around me. We all have a tendency not to shine as bright as we are. Love is the dial that turns that light up. We must work from within to be able to access that switch. First, observe and admire who you are deep down.  Accept and appreciate that unique individuality that we all possess, and offer that special kind of Love to one another.  Holding that Love space for each other is like being a recharging station for one another.  We have the power to recharge our Love light within ourselves.  The key is to allow yourself to be silly yet deep, and vulnerable yet have boundaries.  With every encounter we can practice this kind of exchange with one another.  The mere thought of this has my heart bursting inside with joy and gratitude.

Take the time to bear witness to others stories and experiments with life.  Be open to possibilities that stem from the heart rather than the head.  Express feelings with one another, yet do not make another responsible for yours.  Open communication can be challenging at first and even a bit hurtful during the learning process. The more we refrain from passing judgement and allow each other to practice with each other, we can empower ourselves to respect the fact that we all working out our own stuff.  Having clear intentions while communicating is important and gives certainty that you are coming from a place of love and not attacking.  Maybe this way we can give each other a bit of a break and know it’s just a learning curve.  Each one of these steps just brings our authentic self forward without fear and brightens your internal light.

So, for instance, if you truly are doing your best to communicate your needs to someone and it comes across hurtful or blaming to them.  It is their responsibility to express how that felt, without finding fault in you.  Open communication is a learning experience where all parties have to participate with full trust and no fear. Basically we are holding up a mirror for one another to recognize how our words make each other feel; as well as reflecting their own light back to them.  It takes a lot of LOVE and courage to be honest with another person, and the greatest amount of courage to be honest with yourself.  You share a great gift with a person when you are able to have healthy boundaries and still can agree to disagree.  Being heard and respected with sincerity lends force to the light we shine. Think of your internal light as a spotlight …remember your mom always told you to be careful where you direct your flashlight as a kid?  Well it’s the same concept your not going to just beam that light into someones face without warning, be prepared that not everyone is ready for that kind of exposure.  This will take time as we mature into holding our light and others with respect. Judgement and expectations of others to receive our love are unrealistic, if anything it just blankets the truth and dims both of our lights. If we can take responsibility for ourselves as our own internal parent we can allow that shine not to feel so scary or mistrusting.  All we have is each other to express this burning desire to be seen and admired for that beautiful Love we all carry.

Do you know who you are?  Have you witnessed yourself lately?  Do you recognize the impact your presence has on your friends and family?  Do the homework cause you will be surprised how each one of us has a role in this crazy world.  It’s time to find yours.  I encourage and challenge you all.  Share your experiences, when you do you could be a guiding light for that Love to shine.  There are many people that feel the same way you do.  We are all little Love Fireflies.  When we unite, and share, we create a beautiful chain of Love that shines and helps light the way.

Editor – A Antonio

Photo Credit – http://media-cache-ec0.pinimg.com/736x/97/92/d6/9792d6164a4b92a8cddc26a5a6dc791b.jpg

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Lets face it the holidays can be hectic but lets embrace this hustle bustle energy and use it to our advantage.  Taking a close look at some of the words used to describe the holiday season, I noticed that if we feel overwhelmed it might be that we are stuck in the action (verb) of a words energy.   Instead of action, we could signify the word with its actual physical and abstract identity (noun) such as a state (happiness) or a quality (beauty). Take a look…

verb: hustle – force (someone) to move hurriedly or unceremoniously in a specified direction, push roughly; jostle

verb: bustle – move in an energetic or noisy manner. (of a place) be full of activity

vs: 

noun: hustle – busy movement and activity

noun: bustle – excited activity and movement, liveliness, 

I don’t know about you but I’d rather take the energy of excitement and liveliness than the feeling of experiencing chaos and hurriedness.  So, the next time you are feeling sad, stressed or lonely remember you could be stuck in the action energy and not the actual meaning or state of being.  Even though the holidays are filled with family, joy and celebration for what love we share, our unique gifts.  The holidays are also known as a catalyst for peoples depression.  So this blog is for the people who may not have that family or joy or the celebratory feeling.  Don’t despair my friends, the honest truth is you are just fine.  No need to get caught up in what you think you need or what society flashes at you during the holidays.  Remember those advertisements are not there to spread the meaning of the holidays, ads are there to SELL products and make money.

So bless all of our hearts when and if we get sucked into that impressive sales pitch.  REMEMBER this… deep down inside you are loved.  Yes, I may be coming across all Topanga hippy right now since I lived there most of my adult life but follow me on this one.   Inside of you there is a unique gift that no one else carries and you were born to share that gift.  Money, career, children are not a measure of your special gift.  It’s your vulnerable expression that can be shared for free.  Just a moment of consideration for a stranger, or a smile can go miles.  So instead of perceiving your life through Verbs . . .   take action to express the experience of living through Verbs.  That way you can understand and appreciate what life has to offer as expressed via the experience of the nouns:  people, places and things — “each other”.  We can not attach actions to a person, a location or an item because they are not verbs.  Our expressions are verbs so show LOVE and Smile and Hug and Laugh.   Let life be your Noun and living be your Verb.

But lets get back to the basics at home.  If you’ find yourself unable to afford a new hip gift for your child or you can’t get your wife that expensive necklace, reach beyond the action of getting these gifts and analyze your reasons behind this behavior.  Your child wants the new cool gift because he or she wants to feel accepted and be like all the other kids. That shiny new necklace you want for your wife is so that she feels the beauty she reflects to you, right?  So lets spin it and take if for what it is.  Encourage your child’s uniqueness and maybe explore other options that are more affordable right now.  Coming from your heart and grounding your sincerity is empowering and can bring more appreciation and joy than you could ever give by a trendy toy or a piece of jewelry.

Let’s strip down this year.  I didn’t mean like that, hee hee  –let’s be vulnerable and still.  We tend to move a bit slower when we have dropped our armor.  So reveal yourself and take your time, allow your senses to guide you in the direction that is right for YOU.  The end of the year is for hibernating and re-calibrating into your own center.  This is true for you even if you have a huge family and feel yourself being pulled around.  Set aside even a moment in the shower to check in and appreciate.  For some of you it may just be appreciating your health and/or an income.  For others it could be your partner or children.  Either way we can remember it is our perception of what goes on around us.

As for me I have found my center and have been in this energy of contentment for awhile now.  Reaching inside I have found the strength of my own choices and embodied my own love.  This has allowed me to have extra love to share and be able to express my gift during the holidays with my loved ones.  Most of all spreading this cheer with a stranger.  Happy Holidays my friends and remember Joy to the World starts from within.