Victim

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default616_0Hidden Words have Hidden Meanings.  Revealing your words in order to find the meaning is so much easier said, than done.  Our challenge is to learn how to find the correct word to describe our true meaning.  The first step is to give yourself permission to search the corners of your self that you have avoided in the past.
Searching brings out a fear in all of us but entering those dark places can allow us to emote, to share a bright burst of light through which a once scary topic brings out our courageous approach.  Trust is key, this is the only method in which you can allow yourself to have enough vulnerability to enter places once thought to be barren.  If we can trust that we possess the abilities to keep ourselves safe  we can  achieve almost anything.
Does this come with experience?  Could we just go right in with blind faith?  I guess that is all up to the individual.  Lately, I’ve been experiencing that I have the choice to be happy or unhappy — it’s as simple as that.  The simplicity of it all can also be pretty annoying.  It can be so tempting to play the victim, or throwing out the “yeah buts”.  Giving  ourselves the seal of approval to not take those chances due to our circumstance or facts that fit is too easy.
I’m not afraid anymore to dig deep for the words to emote the true meanings of my desires or fears for that matter.  Once I acknowledge them it’s like they don’t have any control over me anymore.  I’ve recently read the book “The Untethered Soul” by Michael A. Singer.  I highly recommend dipping into this book.  A good friend recommended it and it has truly blown my mind a few times over.  Without reciting the whole book, it just gave me the insight to just be in the moment of the triggers that occur and let them pass through like clouds on a sunny day.
Instead of putting up all this armor to protect yourself from the rain that will fall, you slowly start not to go out at all to prevent the potential of a drizzle from ever happening, we stop and forget to feel what that rain brings to us. Basically, we can run but we can never hide.  Like the cloudy day, is it really that bad to get a little wet?
Tears, like rain can nurture the soil of our souls and blossom beautiful flowers of Love and Opportunities our way.  They don’t say stop and smell the Roses for no reason.  With each passing cloud that comes our way, run out into it and know this is your opportunity to turn the soil of the bed you made for yourself.  It’s going to be ok, weeds will always sprout up, but as we know if you don’t pull it out by the root of the problem it will always find its way out again.  So those hidden words can be found out in the ominous clouds.  Discover the blossoming new meanings life can bring you.
Don’t allow yourself to stay dormant and be alone out in your Mohave Desert.  This will only have you thirsty for nurturing and being delusional by the mirages you see before yourself, that trick you into quick fixes.  I get scared, and I get frustrated, impatient like any of us can.  The thing that has changed for me, is the freedom and empowerment I gave myself.  This reassures me that I have the abilities to assess what makes me scared, frustrated etc., and have the insight to express them in a loving way.  This kind of freedom allows you to run free into the darkness knowing it will enrich you, challenge you, and help you grow.  Our words are like fertilizers, sometimes it stinks and it’s shitty.  Yet all the past experiences that organically have broken down in our spirit, can be used like enriched compost to tend to our gardens.  I’m excited for all of us to trust we have a green thumb, allow yourself to open up and get out there.  The sun will shine through the clouds and reveal the true abundance you seek at the end of your rainbow. 🌈
Editor – Anita Antonio 

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I’ve been dealing with some pain management lately and I have to say, whether it is physical or emotional we suffer the same consequences. Mine is due to a car accident that has caused me physical pain.  At times I feel fine, then when I have to quickly respond I realize I am not fine.  This experience has made me compare our emotional pain with our physical pain.  I’ve noticed that when I go through the day I must have a constant nagging pain that I’ve learned to ignore.  We call it adapting or compensating in the health field.  As anything else where there is energy there is a flow, you can block it mentally or even numb yourself physically, but it has to come out eventually.  This led me to realize most of us walk around in an adapted stage compensating for our pain and stressing other parts of our support. Once again, Emotionally or Physically, we have to lean on other parts of our structure to get us through.  I found myself resisting the decision to take action.  Making a decision that can change your world seems more painful then than managing pain itself.  Eventually, I realized I have no choice.  I am awoken in the middle of the night faced with my choice.  I toss and turn, cry in agony, cursing all that were involved and allowing myself to become the Victim of circumstance.  How could they, why did this happen to me, “F” it I have to choose drastic measures and do something. I must get help.  Then I reach for the Vicodin, in 15 mins I’m back to sleep dulling the pain that was pushing me to move on.  Instead, I muscle through another day.  I’m fine, I seem to manage OK.  Yet there is a constant pull, a constant drain.  It is effecting my work, and my social life, but most of all it is draining my spirit.

Then we have to get to this point of our journey.  WHY THEN?  Why is it so hard to make a decision to get help?  Is it too much work?  Who can I trust?  I can’t afford this, nor do I have the time in my busy day.  Well, let me tell you this, from someone who for a month to the day now, realizes it seems like an eternity.  It consumes you no matter what you tell yourself.  Your choices are guided by the fear of re-injuring yourself.  You stop yourself from enjoying life, you manage by self medication or just getting by.  No longer for me!  I’ve made a decision to go to professional and get the surgery I need.  Once a scary life changing decision, it turned into the universe aligning everything I need.  From a support group of friends that love me and will be there for me during recovery, to my clients being supportive and loyal.  I’ve even found an amazing replacement for my job that is eager and honored that I chose him.  I didn’t ask to get T-Boned in my car, no fault of mine.

But now on the positive side of things.  I get to take a step back and hit the pause button.  I don’t get paid while I’m recovering, but I will manage with the temporary sacrifices I am willing to give myself.  Eventually my energies will be replenished, but this time a pure flow of rejuvenated self care will be available. I even noticed my leased car has not been racking up miles while in the repair shop. “Score” 🙂 I was cutting that lease agreement very close. My choice to not take rental ins had me mad at myself and angry at the uninsured motorist that hit me. Then I quickly took a chance and asked a dear friend for help by lending his car while out of town. He happily offered with no skin off his back.  I even helped him by giving him a ride to airport. Now I feel a sense of love and appreciation in a world once dark and victimized.  I realized taking care of myself in-turn takes care of others.  I don’t need to compensate for my pain and react unnecessarily.  My loved ones and clients don’t need to suffer because I am adapting to my pain.   I don’t need to live in this lower vibration of limitation anymore.  There are choices and love that can open up, once you just make that decision to help yourself.  Sure I’m scared, but a therapist once said to me years ago and I’ll never forget; “If you weren’t scared of what confronts you, you won’t have what it take to get the job done”.  I may have paraphrased a bit, but you get the drift.  We know what to do to get the job done!  So let’s make the decision to be healthy, and the healing will follow.  Ask for help if need be, do whatever research that can reassure your mind, but just do it.  The difference is amazing.  I’m here for you if you want to share your experience and need support.  Life appears in many ways to show us things that we desire, pay attention, not to what is physically happening to you, but to what message it is giving you.  We can actually help ourselves and help others when we stop viewing our situation as we are alone in need.  Don’t let anything or anybody rob you of what is rightfully yours! Your spirit awaits you.

Leave you with these last words:

“It takes more courage to allow yourself to be vulnerable and ask for help, then hiding in your shadow of pain” Steen