Taking Chances

on

tumblr_nng7f8khFi1qdzpwbo1_1280What is Love?  Can we really define it?  Is it a feeling that is beyond description? Lately I’ve been opening my heart to Love.  Love for friends & family, but mostly towards a romantic relationship.  Falling in Love – WOW – even when you think about that statement:  “Falling” it seems so reckless and uncontrollable.  This means we must let go of our control and really have trust and vulnerability. I guess it’s like free falling – you and an unstoppable force that draws you to a destination.

Allowing ourselves to fall into Love with someone is trusting that they will always be there.  Could the reason we are hesitant be the fact that we do not want to fall flat on our faces?  Yikes! I will leave you to come up with your own conclusion on those facts.

In my discoveries of late, I’ve recognized that childlike feeling that comes over you when you reveal you want to fall, yet are almost asking permission if you can allow yourself.  A good friend of mine, and fellow rabbit hole dweller, shared a great point with me.  Whenever we are learning something new, it’s like being a student.  This brings out a childlike energy in all of us. We strive to get it right as we risk the feeling of embarrassment if we feel we are being judged. 

To allow learning to happen, we must all be each other’s teachers and students.  We must also be patient and hold space for the inner student in all of us to grow.  What I am trying to say is be gentle with yourself and in time you will learn to open your heart and soon you will be the teacher.  Then you will get the chance to share that learning curve with another eager student. 

Deep down inside we are all Love Warriors.  It starts with learning what is important to us and how we feel loved. Soon you will trust in yourself to be kind and patient with your most vulnerable desires.  Once we understand our needs and desires we know how to satisfy them. 

Whether you know it, or not, the feeling of someone expressing their appreciation for you in their life is priceless.  We all have different ways of expressing our Love.  I highly recommend you discovering your method of expression. 

Gary Chapman breaks it down in his 5 Languages of Love as follows: Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time, and Physical Touch.  Once we understand what fills our Love tanks then we can teach others without fear of being hurt.  We just need to understand each other more. 

Here are my scores: Straight out of the website: http://www.5lovelanguages.com/profile/

9 — Quality Time

7 — Physical Touch

6 — Acts of Service

6 — Words of Affirmation

2 — Receiving Gifts

Quality Time

In Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes you feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed activities, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful. Whether it’s spending uninterrupted time talking with someone else or doing activities together, you deepen your connection with others through sharing time.

Physical Touch

A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, and thoughtful touches on the arm—these can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive. Appropriate and timely touches communicate warmth, safety, and love to you.

Acts of Service

Can helping with homework really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most wants to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter. When others serve you out of love (and not obligation), you feel truly valued and loved.

Words of Affirmation

Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important— hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten. You thrive on hearing kind and encouraging words that build you up.

Receiving Gifts

Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous—so would the absence of everyday gestures. Gifts are heartfelt symbols to you of someone else’s love and affection for you.

steampunk-heart-final

Love sometimes get’s lost in translation …make it worth your while and be multilingual.

Anita Antonio Editor

on

When your past stories reemerge, the toxins are soon to follow.  It’s tough to stomach the old ways of your defense mechanisms.  You start to suffer from “food for thought” poisoning.

So many knots in the stomach cause you limitations: preventing you from following through, keeping you from taking chances, or inhibiting you from showing up.

You build countless excuses for why you aren’t available for success.  I mean, hell, you just don’t feel well; you have too many jangled nerves creating a myriad of toxic thoughts echoing throughout your system.  Oh, we poor victimized humans, casualties of our own circumstances.  Well, now is the time to take a dose of good old “Pep Talk Dismiss All”.

Consider these cramps of discomfort as signs that you are growing beyond what served your past.  These old ways may have nurtured and comforted you previously but now that you have developed a more mature palate it’s just like consuming fast food.  As you out grow the FAST “Solution” method of handling yourself you’ll develop a more serene self.

For me, I see now that the crumbs of my past, for which I am expected to survive on, no longer serve me well.  I prefer to sit down and trust that my needs will be met. It is more like setting a lovely table to process the events of my life.

Imagine a 4 to 7 course meal.  What’s cooking?  It’s time to figure out the menu.  Put a real plan in place.  If you want a new job or an event you desire to attend, you look to the past where you took short cuts or acted out of fear. Perhaps you got the job or you attended the event but how much did you sacrifice along the way? It’s time to stop settling and slowly lose your soul in the process. That’s why SOUL FOOD is so good, because it’s filled with LOVE.  What I am saying is take the steps along the way to make sure you have healthy boundaries.

Time to plan the menu for a 4-course meal:

  1. Express what you want or what is right for you, “How You Roll”
  2. Be vulnerable & trust you’re worth it.  Risk letting go of what may not have served you in the past. Qualify your desires.
  3. Compromise, realize it may not be all about you and there’s a give and take.  Don’t take things personally.
  4. Be open and receiving. We are all human with degrees of insecurities.  This teaches compassion for others and us.  Sometimes the greatest joy in humanity is to be able to give to another human being. So maybe you allowing someone to give to you — is actually YOU GIVING TO THEM.

Intimate relationships are on the menu too.  Repeat steps 1 through 4 and plan for a 7-course meal:

  1. Check in with each other – Communicate.  People grow and fears emerge.  Hold a special tender space for each other.
  2. Bare witness:  keep each other accountable.  Never fear to hold a mirror up to what they may not want to see.
  3. The most DELICIOUS item on the menu: appreciate and express your love.  There are a lot of us that don’t want to be the one that loves the other person more than they love us.  So without looking weak we tend to play it safe.  Yet in the long run we miss out on that precious feeling of admiration and joy that can fill our hearts.

It’s all about respecting and trusting you. Once you can do that, you have the ability to respect and trust all others.  Once your souls are filled with your own well-being, you can have enough to share with others.  Feed your soul first then you can be of service and a positive example for all humanity.

I know for me I occasionally backslide into my fast food solutions and quickly feel the difference in my body.  I become insecure and/or angry.  Once I purge out my fears and acknowledge that I may still need a healthier solution.  I remember I have no need to go “there” any longer.

Stop and listen before swallowing the ideas you are presented.  Consciously take in what is nurturing your soul.  Is it from the ravishing depths of fear or from the grateful gardens of love?

Recognize if you tend to go to the side of fear, you may need to fill yourself up with more joys that feed your soul.  Start making a list of events, people, crafts, and hobbies that just takes you to that yummy place. So when you see the food truck of “fear” coming your way, you can take a breath and refocus on your diet of blissful foods.’’

I hope that helps. Think of this a “recipe for success”

from My Soul Kitchen to Yours.16098-jessica-biel-1920x1200-celebrity-wallpaper

on

Only The Shadow Know… Or Does it?

I’ve wrote and rewrote this blog about four times. I’ve even found other parts I wrote months ago that I never posted. This must mean a lot to me. I usually steam line and just ramble away for all of our entertainment and retrospect. I realize Graceful Boundaries and self awareness is the key to moving forward with each other as a society at whole. OK, so I’ll break it down as best I can, since I’ve been down this rabbit hole for a week now, trying to find my way out. I’ve written myself into a rut, with no way out or any sense for anyone to see the light. Well Here Goes . . .

Each one of us (well the majority of us) has a shadow side i.e. the unknown triggers or buttons that control our decision making. Which effects our choices, whether they be big ones or even the smallest ones.
SO, when the shadow side seems to be the only one who KNOWS, what your next move is, it’s like driving through life without your lights on. Sure at times it’s a sunny day and everything is fine, but there are moments when the shadow side arrises and your insecurities and fears may steer your vehicle and you end up lost, not taking responsibility to follow your intuition and shine the light on your motives. If we all drive around through life without taking responsibility for our own choices then we end up in a social standstill with everyone blaming the other person for the crash, which escalates into not trusting each other’s motives because we don’t even know our own and we start taking out insurances to protect our best interest. WTF how did our society become so mistrusting of our own boundaries? You have your lane and I have mine right? We see someone coming towards us and, we have a choice we can choose to collide with their energy or we can gracefully put our blinkers on and politely take a different route. Simple right? Not so much when your not even seeing oncoming traffic in your mind.

To simplify even more, let’s all take responsibility for our own vehicle. I promise to you all, I will have graceful boundaries and express to you when I feel I need to step away or proceed. I will not feel obligated nor will I feel like I am doing you a favor do to you? Whether you choose to turn on your lights are not is your choice, I am not responsible for you. Yet, I am eager to set an example to have self respect and get to know your limits. If driving fast isn’t your speed then slow your roll. Why do we still allow our old story of the past triggers to relive within new situations?

When you feel within your body a hesitation, you might feel like you just want to be nice and not be rude, or you avoid the situation entirely and basically pull over and sit with your hazard lights on waiting for someone to save you. Well wake up kids, “no one is coming to save you”, I heard that from Katherine Woodward Thomas say in one of her podcast. It hit me pretty good.

As a fun practice today:
Observe yourself
Starting by asking for simple things you need, like “can I get a straw please” or “this is not what I ordered” , or “No thank you, I appreciate your concern but I prefer” …

Notice how you feel in your body, anchor into that and take those simple request of self care into your conversation. Set the stage by not blaming yet genuinely expressing what you admire about that person. Then apologize for not recognizing your fears have actually limited your potential for the higher good of everyone concerned.

When we Dissipate the drama behind any moment of taking care of ourselves we realize it could be as simple as, “can you pass the salt please? ” You are not putting anybody out when you respect yourself, you are setting an example of courage that they themselves can reflect on ten fold. Being honest in your vulnerability takes courage and anyone worth having in your life will recognize and appreciate that. Tell someone you love them . . . tell someone you have to leave them . . . let your truth rise through the darkness and shine. Let it shine… let it shine.

The shadow don’t know shit!!
Safe driving out there. Shine the light on me. I encourage the self awareness.

into_the_sun_bw

Photo Credit:  http://tau0.wordpress.com/

on

reflectionnnnThe only way I hear myself is through your Ears …so who’s listening?  Recently I’ve discovered my reaction to others reflection can be defensive. Yet sometimes their reflection can show me an image of myself that is in true alignment with the state of mind I’m in.  When your out of alignment your first reaction is to be defensive, redirect, justify and even blame.  So when I feel these emotions surfacing I take a moment to reflect myself at that image I’ve given off.  What they see is an image I have of myself.  So if I am not happy with that reflection I better start to change my perceptions and view myself in different ways.  Self esteem goes beyond just your looks, it is a core belief that you are lovable.  I’ve observed that most of us have a hard time realizing our worth.  Or should I say be comfortable to allow love into our hearts.  When we find excuses for how others treat us it is a sure sign that we are lowering our standards to protect ourselves from being hurt.  I had a book of justifications that was so big that I realize now why I renamed it to “War & Peace”.  Justifying and reasoning away your self worth is devaluing your desires.  We all have the right to be happy and loved.  Just because you are a mother, father, sister, brother or even the president you have a right to be happy and loved.  Yes we all signed up to have responsibilities and with that comes sacrifice.

Taking control of your life.  How does that look?  So many responsibilities and choices daily… finding more opportunities and disappointments along the way that could keep you frozen in your tracks.  Well today I have seen how my life has changed because I am not scared of what the unknown can be.  I’ve seen how this image I wanted so badly of myself is maybe a skewed picture of staying safe and in control.  I chose now to let go of the known and aligning with what I’ve desired all this time.  Now that the shift has occurred I can see clearly that “Image” of myself that is beautiful and perfect with all of her fears and desires. We have a choice to see worthlessness or we can see within seconds a radiant capable spirit.  Don’t be scared of the limitless possibilities or fear your leaving your loved ones behind or disappointing them.  Be that leader that can show by example to love yourself and have everything you desire and then some.  Go forth you Spiritual Warriors and let’s set an example together.  My ears are here for you are you can you see yourself?