Self responsibility

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tumblr_nng7f8khFi1qdzpwbo1_1280What is Love?  Can we really define it?  Is it a feeling that is beyond description? Lately I’ve been opening my heart to Love.  Love for friends & family, but mostly towards a romantic relationship.  Falling in Love – WOW – even when you think about that statement:  “Falling” it seems so reckless and uncontrollable.  This means we must let go of our control and really have trust and vulnerability. I guess it’s like free falling – you and an unstoppable force that draws you to a destination.

Allowing ourselves to fall into Love with someone is trusting that they will always be there.  Could the reason we are hesitant be the fact that we do not want to fall flat on our faces?  Yikes! I will leave you to come up with your own conclusion on those facts.

In my discoveries of late, I’ve recognized that childlike feeling that comes over you when you reveal you want to fall, yet are almost asking permission if you can allow yourself.  A good friend of mine, and fellow rabbit hole dweller, shared a great point with me.  Whenever we are learning something new, it’s like being a student.  This brings out a childlike energy in all of us. We strive to get it right as we risk the feeling of embarrassment if we feel we are being judged. 

To allow learning to happen, we must all be each other’s teachers and students.  We must also be patient and hold space for the inner student in all of us to grow.  What I am trying to say is be gentle with yourself and in time you will learn to open your heart and soon you will be the teacher.  Then you will get the chance to share that learning curve with another eager student. 

Deep down inside we are all Love Warriors.  It starts with learning what is important to us and how we feel loved. Soon you will trust in yourself to be kind and patient with your most vulnerable desires.  Once we understand our needs and desires we know how to satisfy them. 

Whether you know it, or not, the feeling of someone expressing their appreciation for you in their life is priceless.  We all have different ways of expressing our Love.  I highly recommend you discovering your method of expression. 

Gary Chapman breaks it down in his 5 Languages of Love as follows: Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time, and Physical Touch.  Once we understand what fills our Love tanks then we can teach others without fear of being hurt.  We just need to understand each other more. 

Here are my scores: Straight out of the website: http://www.5lovelanguages.com/profile/

9 — Quality Time

7 — Physical Touch

6 — Acts of Service

6 — Words of Affirmation

2 — Receiving Gifts

Quality Time

In Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes you feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed activities, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful. Whether it’s spending uninterrupted time talking with someone else or doing activities together, you deepen your connection with others through sharing time.

Physical Touch

A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, and thoughtful touches on the arm—these can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive. Appropriate and timely touches communicate warmth, safety, and love to you.

Acts of Service

Can helping with homework really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most wants to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter. When others serve you out of love (and not obligation), you feel truly valued and loved.

Words of Affirmation

Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important— hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten. You thrive on hearing kind and encouraging words that build you up.

Receiving Gifts

Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous—so would the absence of everyday gestures. Gifts are heartfelt symbols to you of someone else’s love and affection for you.

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Love sometimes get’s lost in translation …make it worth your while and be multilingual.

Anita Antonio Editor

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Recently I have discovered I have no right butting into the details of how my life unfolds.  Sounds kinda crazy RIGHT?  Let me explain.  Here goes, let’s set up some scenarios shall we…

Waiter and Tray Dinner Clip Art
Scenario 1:

You go into a restaurant you peruse the menu and choose your dining experience, a lite meal or a savory dish, either way you reach deep into your desires and feelings of what will nurture you at this moment.  You sit back and let the experts serve you, right?  You enjoy the full experience, the atmosphere, the sounds, maybe even feel yourself become more present with people around you.  You tune in to the subtle nuances surrounding you.  You open up to opportunities or even foresee giving help to a person reluctantly reaching out for assistance. Then when your dish arrives you are gracious and appreciative of the server as well as the cook and the time and efforts all the elements it took to have this experience.

Scenario 2: 

You go to a restaurant you check out the menu and choose what you want to eat, a lite meal or a savory dish.  Now, instead of trusting that experts will take care of your order, you nervously start thinking of all the things you may not have asked for in order to get the dish done right.  Mind chatter starts to take over, paranoia or that lacking feeling.  Hastily you run back into the kitchen where the magic happens, and you start wondering why the cook isn’t flipping this, or adding that. “Wait, What?, You’re not doing it right, I “think” it needs more of …” the list goes on.  Does this have the feel of a nice dining experience?   Are you setting yourself up for, not only some awkward moments, but your in the kitchen trying to control your experience while your missing out on your real truth, life’s lessons and opportunities as they present themselves at your table.  Even if your host is gracious and doesn’t kick you out of the restaurant; you will be so wound up that even trying to digest this meal won’t be pleasant or nurturing.  Mostly because it was not made with love and trust.

Love and trust, are two of the elements that can launch the creation of your desired dish of life.  Let’s take this a step further, shall we?  So now take these scenarios and apply them to our own life’s desires like placing our orders to the “universe”, then we maybe able to tangibly understand  the ludicrous behaviors we all, from time to time, have enacted to create our dreams.  I say the word tangible because this theory is not new, manifesting your desire or sending your order up to the “universe” through the law of attraction or as some of you know it from the movie “The Secret”.  Well, I agree with Abraham Hicks who has been talking about the “Law of Attraction” for decades.  The movie, yet effective in the way of getting out the initial message, did not really explain your part in the manifestation of it.  For me, and maybe many others, the thought of just letting go and letting the “Universe” take care of it seemed kinda to airy fairy.  Being known as a so called “hippie” from Topanga, you’d think I’d be all over that.  Well I’m a realist that embraces the fact that magic does happen when you resist control and let go of “your” idea of what you “think” you want or how it is “supposed” to go down.  Yet, I still find myself trying to control or set up the events and elements “I” feel are needed for my desire to to make the menu.  Having this vision now of a staff of people who have my best interests at heart, who are here to organize my “ALL INCLUSIVE” vacation of life;  I can sit back and just say to the “Universal Travel Agent”:  so what’s up for today?   Oh, we aren’t going there or that person isn’t joining the group?  OK cool, a change in the menu and a new experience.  So what is it I’m going to experience?   What will you dish out as my overall “big Picture” experience from the order I placed from the ever changing universal menu?

It is freeing knowing that you are here to enjoy your experience of life. You always have the opportunity at every moment to make a choice.  Because your travel agent is just ordering up what you asked for.  Saying no, or even not even realizing you passed up an opportunity to experience what you desire, may just be a sign that you are not ready to receive.  Being conscious and clear on what you want with no need to be realistic, dream big, trust that you are enough of a “RockStar” to deserve that experience.  Allow yourself to receive and pay attention to the details of enjoyment and possibly signs that are presenting themselves for you to change your order to better serve you as you evolve and grow.  Our palate  changes over the years, so don’t be stuck in a humdrum existence.  Be daring and try new things, you could be surprised, the magical experts that can pull a lot more strings then us can serve you up more then you could have ever dreamt up.   Now, Order up and enjoy your living vacation we call “LIFE”.  YUM

“I’ll take an order of Integrity with a dash of sexy, and a side of adventure to go Please 🙂 ”

 

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Life is An Experiment JPGWow !   Life sometimes just knocks at my door and this time I answer alert and conscious.   My swagger changes and a certain sense of awareness comes over me .  As I break my experience down to moments of satisfaction and overwhelming sense of contentment and importance.  A moment when I realize I am there for myself.  I can’t explain it, other than to say f or the first time consciously  “I really like myself ! ”   Where as the “cool” side of me really dug the “real” side of me and they bonded.  I seemed to experience a deep sense of respect for a side of me I’ve taken for granted.

Maybe we have never really gotten to know ourselves.  Honestly, do you really know yourself?  This is someone that you spend every moment with.  Have you become so codependent on yourself that you’ve given up?  Enabling and excusing your behavior due to not wanting to face your own need for growth? Or just justified your actions cause your too lazy to admit that you could be possibly wrong?  This person (part of yourself)  stands by you and puts up with all your shit.  They watch you as you drag them around through one situation after the next.  Whether it be a good time or bad.  They are always there, smiling or crying by your side.  So I ask you one more time. Do you really know yourself?  I mean can you depend on yourself?  Do you have your best interests at heart?  Have you not stood up for yourself? Have you let others overpower you?  I’m sure 80% of you could answer YES to at least one of those questions.

That’s why I have suddenly switched.  I can’t explain how other then my circle of evolution has come full circle.  It all makes sense suddenly .  I’m happy.  WOW,  really I am.  Nothing has changed, other then my perception of myself.  I’m there for myself for one of the first times.  I’ve proven to myself that I got my own back and won’t put myself into situation’s where I would have to figure my way out of.  I respect who and whom I spend my time with.  I keep an open heart to allow love in and have compassion for those who don’t know how.

These last few months have been heavy, one of my close friends lost her partner and another lost his teenage daughter.  I can’t imagine the pain they must feel, when life suddenly just switches gears .  This has really made me realize ;  we are truly alone in this world.  We have each other for support and companionship.  But we must have a good relationship with ourselves,  to be able to carry on when tragedy occurs.  Hold on and buckle up, cause the only thing we have control of , is the destination we desire.  Then the rest is up to our own internal navigation devise.  We get re-routed when there is a sudden detour in our course.  Keeping calibrated to our own soul as our internal authority we must use self care to provide the rest stops needed  along the way.

There is a calmness when you can surrender to your own respect and become proud of who you are.  Honored to discover new mysteries about yourself and find unheard of strengths you didn’t realize  you had.  These attributes and findings come when you believe in yourself and allow the vulnerable you to flower.   Finding a way to have self – esteem  through all the dark places  you may go,  when faced with your old story.  Rising above what others think of you and concentrate on what you think of others.

Let your first instinct to love and have compassion be the forefront in decision making.  It is not your place to control how others think of you it’s actually none of your business.  What is your business is how you think of yourself.  You have every right to Love whomever you choose.  Or not be friends with whomever you choose as well.  It does go both ways.  Mainly it is not to get yourself caught up in this web of mistrust and insecurities.  The most confident person you know has moments of insecurities, don’t you ever think differently.  We are all in this experience together.  That’s why we concentrate on our own experiment and leave our other lab partners to their own.   This way at the end of the day we can share our discoveries and create a world of  mind- blowing revolutions that will evolve our spirits to creating the funnest, loving experience we have ever imagined.   I’m ready to share the Nobel Prize of Life with you.  So do your studies … concentrate your attention on the subject at hand… YOU.

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Only The Shadow Know… Or Does it?

I’ve wrote and rewrote this blog about four times. I’ve even found other parts I wrote months ago that I never posted. This must mean a lot to me. I usually steam line and just ramble away for all of our entertainment and retrospect. I realize Graceful Boundaries and self awareness is the key to moving forward with each other as a society at whole. OK, so I’ll break it down as best I can, since I’ve been down this rabbit hole for a week now, trying to find my way out. I’ve written myself into a rut, with no way out or any sense for anyone to see the light. Well Here Goes . . .

Each one of us (well the majority of us) has a shadow side i.e. the unknown triggers or buttons that control our decision making. Which effects our choices, whether they be big ones or even the smallest ones.
SO, when the shadow side seems to be the only one who KNOWS, what your next move is, it’s like driving through life without your lights on. Sure at times it’s a sunny day and everything is fine, but there are moments when the shadow side arrises and your insecurities and fears may steer your vehicle and you end up lost, not taking responsibility to follow your intuition and shine the light on your motives. If we all drive around through life without taking responsibility for our own choices then we end up in a social standstill with everyone blaming the other person for the crash, which escalates into not trusting each other’s motives because we don’t even know our own and we start taking out insurances to protect our best interest. WTF how did our society become so mistrusting of our own boundaries? You have your lane and I have mine right? We see someone coming towards us and, we have a choice we can choose to collide with their energy or we can gracefully put our blinkers on and politely take a different route. Simple right? Not so much when your not even seeing oncoming traffic in your mind.

To simplify even more, let’s all take responsibility for our own vehicle. I promise to you all, I will have graceful boundaries and express to you when I feel I need to step away or proceed. I will not feel obligated nor will I feel like I am doing you a favor do to you? Whether you choose to turn on your lights are not is your choice, I am not responsible for you. Yet, I am eager to set an example to have self respect and get to know your limits. If driving fast isn’t your speed then slow your roll. Why do we still allow our old story of the past triggers to relive within new situations?

When you feel within your body a hesitation, you might feel like you just want to be nice and not be rude, or you avoid the situation entirely and basically pull over and sit with your hazard lights on waiting for someone to save you. Well wake up kids, “no one is coming to save you”, I heard that from Katherine Woodward Thomas say in one of her podcast. It hit me pretty good.

As a fun practice today:
Observe yourself
Starting by asking for simple things you need, like “can I get a straw please” or “this is not what I ordered” , or “No thank you, I appreciate your concern but I prefer” …

Notice how you feel in your body, anchor into that and take those simple request of self care into your conversation. Set the stage by not blaming yet genuinely expressing what you admire about that person. Then apologize for not recognizing your fears have actually limited your potential for the higher good of everyone concerned.

When we Dissipate the drama behind any moment of taking care of ourselves we realize it could be as simple as, “can you pass the salt please? ” You are not putting anybody out when you respect yourself, you are setting an example of courage that they themselves can reflect on ten fold. Being honest in your vulnerability takes courage and anyone worth having in your life will recognize and appreciate that. Tell someone you love them . . . tell someone you have to leave them . . . let your truth rise through the darkness and shine. Let it shine… let it shine.

The shadow don’t know shit!!
Safe driving out there. Shine the light on me. I encourage the self awareness.

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Photo Credit:  http://tau0.wordpress.com/