Self Esteem

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When your past stories reemerge, the toxins are soon to follow.  It’s tough to stomach the old ways of your defense mechanisms.  You start to suffer from “food for thought” poisoning.

So many knots in the stomach cause you limitations: preventing you from following through, keeping you from taking chances, or inhibiting you from showing up.

You build countless excuses for why you aren’t available for success.  I mean, hell, you just don’t feel well; you have too many jangled nerves creating a myriad of toxic thoughts echoing throughout your system.  Oh, we poor victimized humans, casualties of our own circumstances.  Well, now is the time to take a dose of good old “Pep Talk Dismiss All”.

Consider these cramps of discomfort as signs that you are growing beyond what served your past.  These old ways may have nurtured and comforted you previously but now that you have developed a more mature palate it’s just like consuming fast food.  As you out grow the FAST “Solution” method of handling yourself you’ll develop a more serene self.

For me, I see now that the crumbs of my past, for which I am expected to survive on, no longer serve me well.  I prefer to sit down and trust that my needs will be met. It is more like setting a lovely table to process the events of my life.

Imagine a 4 to 7 course meal.  What’s cooking?  It’s time to figure out the menu.  Put a real plan in place.  If you want a new job or an event you desire to attend, you look to the past where you took short cuts or acted out of fear. Perhaps you got the job or you attended the event but how much did you sacrifice along the way? It’s time to stop settling and slowly lose your soul in the process. That’s why SOUL FOOD is so good, because it’s filled with LOVE.  What I am saying is take the steps along the way to make sure you have healthy boundaries.

Time to plan the menu for a 4-course meal:

  1. Express what you want or what is right for you, “How You Roll”
  2. Be vulnerable & trust you’re worth it.  Risk letting go of what may not have served you in the past. Qualify your desires.
  3. Compromise, realize it may not be all about you and there’s a give and take.  Don’t take things personally.
  4. Be open and receiving. We are all human with degrees of insecurities.  This teaches compassion for others and us.  Sometimes the greatest joy in humanity is to be able to give to another human being. So maybe you allowing someone to give to you — is actually YOU GIVING TO THEM.

Intimate relationships are on the menu too.  Repeat steps 1 through 4 and plan for a 7-course meal:

  1. Check in with each other – Communicate.  People grow and fears emerge.  Hold a special tender space for each other.
  2. Bare witness:  keep each other accountable.  Never fear to hold a mirror up to what they may not want to see.
  3. The most DELICIOUS item on the menu: appreciate and express your love.  There are a lot of us that don’t want to be the one that loves the other person more than they love us.  So without looking weak we tend to play it safe.  Yet in the long run we miss out on that precious feeling of admiration and joy that can fill our hearts.

It’s all about respecting and trusting you. Once you can do that, you have the ability to respect and trust all others.  Once your souls are filled with your own well-being, you can have enough to share with others.  Feed your soul first then you can be of service and a positive example for all humanity.

I know for me I occasionally backslide into my fast food solutions and quickly feel the difference in my body.  I become insecure and/or angry.  Once I purge out my fears and acknowledge that I may still need a healthier solution.  I remember I have no need to go “there” any longer.

Stop and listen before swallowing the ideas you are presented.  Consciously take in what is nurturing your soul.  Is it from the ravishing depths of fear or from the grateful gardens of love?

Recognize if you tend to go to the side of fear, you may need to fill yourself up with more joys that feed your soul.  Start making a list of events, people, crafts, and hobbies that just takes you to that yummy place. So when you see the food truck of “fear” coming your way, you can take a breath and refocus on your diet of blissful foods.’’

I hope that helps. Think of this a “recipe for success”

from My Soul Kitchen to Yours.16098-jessica-biel-1920x1200-celebrity-wallpaper

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Life is An Experiment JPGWow !   Life sometimes just knocks at my door and this time I answer alert and conscious.   My swagger changes and a certain sense of awareness comes over me .  As I break my experience down to moments of satisfaction and overwhelming sense of contentment and importance.  A moment when I realize I am there for myself.  I can’t explain it, other than to say f or the first time consciously  “I really like myself ! ”   Where as the “cool” side of me really dug the “real” side of me and they bonded.  I seemed to experience a deep sense of respect for a side of me I’ve taken for granted.

Maybe we have never really gotten to know ourselves.  Honestly, do you really know yourself?  This is someone that you spend every moment with.  Have you become so codependent on yourself that you’ve given up?  Enabling and excusing your behavior due to not wanting to face your own need for growth? Or just justified your actions cause your too lazy to admit that you could be possibly wrong?  This person (part of yourself)  stands by you and puts up with all your shit.  They watch you as you drag them around through one situation after the next.  Whether it be a good time or bad.  They are always there, smiling or crying by your side.  So I ask you one more time. Do you really know yourself?  I mean can you depend on yourself?  Do you have your best interests at heart?  Have you not stood up for yourself? Have you let others overpower you?  I’m sure 80% of you could answer YES to at least one of those questions.

That’s why I have suddenly switched.  I can’t explain how other then my circle of evolution has come full circle.  It all makes sense suddenly .  I’m happy.  WOW,  really I am.  Nothing has changed, other then my perception of myself.  I’m there for myself for one of the first times.  I’ve proven to myself that I got my own back and won’t put myself into situation’s where I would have to figure my way out of.  I respect who and whom I spend my time with.  I keep an open heart to allow love in and have compassion for those who don’t know how.

These last few months have been heavy, one of my close friends lost her partner and another lost his teenage daughter.  I can’t imagine the pain they must feel, when life suddenly just switches gears .  This has really made me realize ;  we are truly alone in this world.  We have each other for support and companionship.  But we must have a good relationship with ourselves,  to be able to carry on when tragedy occurs.  Hold on and buckle up, cause the only thing we have control of , is the destination we desire.  Then the rest is up to our own internal navigation devise.  We get re-routed when there is a sudden detour in our course.  Keeping calibrated to our own soul as our internal authority we must use self care to provide the rest stops needed  along the way.

There is a calmness when you can surrender to your own respect and become proud of who you are.  Honored to discover new mysteries about yourself and find unheard of strengths you didn’t realize  you had.  These attributes and findings come when you believe in yourself and allow the vulnerable you to flower.   Finding a way to have self – esteem  through all the dark places  you may go,  when faced with your old story.  Rising above what others think of you and concentrate on what you think of others.

Let your first instinct to love and have compassion be the forefront in decision making.  It is not your place to control how others think of you it’s actually none of your business.  What is your business is how you think of yourself.  You have every right to Love whomever you choose.  Or not be friends with whomever you choose as well.  It does go both ways.  Mainly it is not to get yourself caught up in this web of mistrust and insecurities.  The most confident person you know has moments of insecurities, don’t you ever think differently.  We are all in this experience together.  That’s why we concentrate on our own experiment and leave our other lab partners to their own.   This way at the end of the day we can share our discoveries and create a world of  mind- blowing revolutions that will evolve our spirits to creating the funnest, loving experience we have ever imagined.   I’m ready to share the Nobel Prize of Life with you.  So do your studies … concentrate your attention on the subject at hand… YOU.

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Only The Shadow Know… Or Does it?

I’ve wrote and rewrote this blog about four times. I’ve even found other parts I wrote months ago that I never posted. This must mean a lot to me. I usually steam line and just ramble away for all of our entertainment and retrospect. I realize Graceful Boundaries and self awareness is the key to moving forward with each other as a society at whole. OK, so I’ll break it down as best I can, since I’ve been down this rabbit hole for a week now, trying to find my way out. I’ve written myself into a rut, with no way out or any sense for anyone to see the light. Well Here Goes . . .

Each one of us (well the majority of us) has a shadow side i.e. the unknown triggers or buttons that control our decision making. Which effects our choices, whether they be big ones or even the smallest ones.
SO, when the shadow side seems to be the only one who KNOWS, what your next move is, it’s like driving through life without your lights on. Sure at times it’s a sunny day and everything is fine, but there are moments when the shadow side arrises and your insecurities and fears may steer your vehicle and you end up lost, not taking responsibility to follow your intuition and shine the light on your motives. If we all drive around through life without taking responsibility for our own choices then we end up in a social standstill with everyone blaming the other person for the crash, which escalates into not trusting each other’s motives because we don’t even know our own and we start taking out insurances to protect our best interest. WTF how did our society become so mistrusting of our own boundaries? You have your lane and I have mine right? We see someone coming towards us and, we have a choice we can choose to collide with their energy or we can gracefully put our blinkers on and politely take a different route. Simple right? Not so much when your not even seeing oncoming traffic in your mind.

To simplify even more, let’s all take responsibility for our own vehicle. I promise to you all, I will have graceful boundaries and express to you when I feel I need to step away or proceed. I will not feel obligated nor will I feel like I am doing you a favor do to you? Whether you choose to turn on your lights are not is your choice, I am not responsible for you. Yet, I am eager to set an example to have self respect and get to know your limits. If driving fast isn’t your speed then slow your roll. Why do we still allow our old story of the past triggers to relive within new situations?

When you feel within your body a hesitation, you might feel like you just want to be nice and not be rude, or you avoid the situation entirely and basically pull over and sit with your hazard lights on waiting for someone to save you. Well wake up kids, “no one is coming to save you”, I heard that from Katherine Woodward Thomas say in one of her podcast. It hit me pretty good.

As a fun practice today:
Observe yourself
Starting by asking for simple things you need, like “can I get a straw please” or “this is not what I ordered” , or “No thank you, I appreciate your concern but I prefer” …

Notice how you feel in your body, anchor into that and take those simple request of self care into your conversation. Set the stage by not blaming yet genuinely expressing what you admire about that person. Then apologize for not recognizing your fears have actually limited your potential for the higher good of everyone concerned.

When we Dissipate the drama behind any moment of taking care of ourselves we realize it could be as simple as, “can you pass the salt please? ” You are not putting anybody out when you respect yourself, you are setting an example of courage that they themselves can reflect on ten fold. Being honest in your vulnerability takes courage and anyone worth having in your life will recognize and appreciate that. Tell someone you love them . . . tell someone you have to leave them . . . let your truth rise through the darkness and shine. Let it shine… let it shine.

The shadow don’t know shit!!
Safe driving out there. Shine the light on me. I encourage the self awareness.

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Photo Credit:  http://tau0.wordpress.com/

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reflectionnnnThe only way I hear myself is through your Ears …so who’s listening?  Recently I’ve discovered my reaction to others reflection can be defensive. Yet sometimes their reflection can show me an image of myself that is in true alignment with the state of mind I’m in.  When your out of alignment your first reaction is to be defensive, redirect, justify and even blame.  So when I feel these emotions surfacing I take a moment to reflect myself at that image I’ve given off.  What they see is an image I have of myself.  So if I am not happy with that reflection I better start to change my perceptions and view myself in different ways.  Self esteem goes beyond just your looks, it is a core belief that you are lovable.  I’ve observed that most of us have a hard time realizing our worth.  Or should I say be comfortable to allow love into our hearts.  When we find excuses for how others treat us it is a sure sign that we are lowering our standards to protect ourselves from being hurt.  I had a book of justifications that was so big that I realize now why I renamed it to “War & Peace”.  Justifying and reasoning away your self worth is devaluing your desires.  We all have the right to be happy and loved.  Just because you are a mother, father, sister, brother or even the president you have a right to be happy and loved.  Yes we all signed up to have responsibilities and with that comes sacrifice.

Taking control of your life.  How does that look?  So many responsibilities and choices daily… finding more opportunities and disappointments along the way that could keep you frozen in your tracks.  Well today I have seen how my life has changed because I am not scared of what the unknown can be.  I’ve seen how this image I wanted so badly of myself is maybe a skewed picture of staying safe and in control.  I chose now to let go of the known and aligning with what I’ve desired all this time.  Now that the shift has occurred I can see clearly that “Image” of myself that is beautiful and perfect with all of her fears and desires. We have a choice to see worthlessness or we can see within seconds a radiant capable spirit.  Don’t be scared of the limitless possibilities or fear your leaving your loved ones behind or disappointing them.  Be that leader that can show by example to love yourself and have everything you desire and then some.  Go forth you Spiritual Warriors and let’s set an example together.  My ears are here for you are you can you see yourself?