Love

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tumblr_nng7f8khFi1qdzpwbo1_1280What is Love?  Can we really define it?  Is it a feeling that is beyond description? Lately I’ve been opening my heart to Love.  Love for friends & family, but mostly towards a romantic relationship.  Falling in Love – WOW – even when you think about that statement:  “Falling” it seems so reckless and uncontrollable.  This means we must let go of our control and really have trust and vulnerability. I guess it’s like free falling – you and an unstoppable force that draws you to a destination.

Allowing ourselves to fall into Love with someone is trusting that they will always be there.  Could the reason we are hesitant be the fact that we do not want to fall flat on our faces?  Yikes! I will leave you to come up with your own conclusion on those facts.

In my discoveries of late, I’ve recognized that childlike feeling that comes over you when you reveal you want to fall, yet are almost asking permission if you can allow yourself.  A good friend of mine, and fellow rabbit hole dweller, shared a great point with me.  Whenever we are learning something new, it’s like being a student.  This brings out a childlike energy in all of us. We strive to get it right as we risk the feeling of embarrassment if we feel we are being judged. 

To allow learning to happen, we must all be each other’s teachers and students.  We must also be patient and hold space for the inner student in all of us to grow.  What I am trying to say is be gentle with yourself and in time you will learn to open your heart and soon you will be the teacher.  Then you will get the chance to share that learning curve with another eager student. 

Deep down inside we are all Love Warriors.  It starts with learning what is important to us and how we feel loved. Soon you will trust in yourself to be kind and patient with your most vulnerable desires.  Once we understand our needs and desires we know how to satisfy them. 

Whether you know it, or not, the feeling of someone expressing their appreciation for you in their life is priceless.  We all have different ways of expressing our Love.  I highly recommend you discovering your method of expression. 

Gary Chapman breaks it down in his 5 Languages of Love as follows: Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time, and Physical Touch.  Once we understand what fills our Love tanks then we can teach others without fear of being hurt.  We just need to understand each other more. 

Here are my scores: Straight out of the website: http://www.5lovelanguages.com/profile/

9 — Quality Time

7 — Physical Touch

6 — Acts of Service

6 — Words of Affirmation

2 — Receiving Gifts

Quality Time

In Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes you feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed activities, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful. Whether it’s spending uninterrupted time talking with someone else or doing activities together, you deepen your connection with others through sharing time.

Physical Touch

A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, and thoughtful touches on the arm—these can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive. Appropriate and timely touches communicate warmth, safety, and love to you.

Acts of Service

Can helping with homework really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most wants to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter. When others serve you out of love (and not obligation), you feel truly valued and loved.

Words of Affirmation

Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important— hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten. You thrive on hearing kind and encouraging words that build you up.

Receiving Gifts

Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous—so would the absence of everyday gestures. Gifts are heartfelt symbols to you of someone else’s love and affection for you.

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Love sometimes get’s lost in translation …make it worth your while and be multilingual.

Anita Antonio Editor

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A friend recently told me there is some truth to the phrase “All You Need Is Love”.  I’ve been blessed to experience the shine of Love; not only from a lover, but from friends and family as well.  Brightness appeared when I stopped searching the darkness for a light bringing me to the realization that the light was shining within me.  Do you want to know why?  Well, I am that light I have been seeking all along.

Throughout my lifetime I never knew that I have been dimming my own inner light so as not to blind others.  Conditioned by societal fears and insecurities I pondered on what is safe or what is the “Right thing to Do”  which caused me to get caught up in second guessing myself and questioning my own authentic heart.  My insecurities brought me to a place of awkwardness for the Love I wanted to share with another plus even the act of accepting the Love of another made me feel exposed.  I associated my compassion and curiosity for people as neediness and weakness.  Once I recognized these feelings within myself, I was able to observe all the dimmed lights around me. We all have a tendency not to shine as bright as we are. Love is the dial that turns that light up. We must work from within to be able to access that switch. First, observe and admire who you are deep down.  Accept and appreciate that unique individuality that we all possess, and offer that special kind of Love to one another.  Holding that Love space for each other is like being a recharging station for one another.  We have the power to recharge our Love light within ourselves.  The key is to allow yourself to be silly yet deep, and vulnerable yet have boundaries.  With every encounter we can practice this kind of exchange with one another.  The mere thought of this has my heart bursting inside with joy and gratitude.

Take the time to bear witness to others stories and experiments with life.  Be open to possibilities that stem from the heart rather than the head.  Express feelings with one another, yet do not make another responsible for yours.  Open communication can be challenging at first and even a bit hurtful during the learning process. The more we refrain from passing judgement and allow each other to practice with each other, we can empower ourselves to respect the fact that we all working out our own stuff.  Having clear intentions while communicating is important and gives certainty that you are coming from a place of love and not attacking.  Maybe this way we can give each other a bit of a break and know it’s just a learning curve.  Each one of these steps just brings our authentic self forward without fear and brightens your internal light.

So, for instance, if you truly are doing your best to communicate your needs to someone and it comes across hurtful or blaming to them.  It is their responsibility to express how that felt, without finding fault in you.  Open communication is a learning experience where all parties have to participate with full trust and no fear. Basically we are holding up a mirror for one another to recognize how our words make each other feel; as well as reflecting their own light back to them.  It takes a lot of LOVE and courage to be honest with another person, and the greatest amount of courage to be honest with yourself.  You share a great gift with a person when you are able to have healthy boundaries and still can agree to disagree.  Being heard and respected with sincerity lends force to the light we shine. Think of your internal light as a spotlight …remember your mom always told you to be careful where you direct your flashlight as a kid?  Well it’s the same concept your not going to just beam that light into someones face without warning, be prepared that not everyone is ready for that kind of exposure.  This will take time as we mature into holding our light and others with respect. Judgement and expectations of others to receive our love are unrealistic, if anything it just blankets the truth and dims both of our lights. If we can take responsibility for ourselves as our own internal parent we can allow that shine not to feel so scary or mistrusting.  All we have is each other to express this burning desire to be seen and admired for that beautiful Love we all carry.

Do you know who you are?  Have you witnessed yourself lately?  Do you recognize the impact your presence has on your friends and family?  Do the homework cause you will be surprised how each one of us has a role in this crazy world.  It’s time to find yours.  I encourage and challenge you all.  Share your experiences, when you do you could be a guiding light for that Love to shine.  There are many people that feel the same way you do.  We are all little Love Fireflies.  When we unite, and share, we create a beautiful chain of Love that shines and helps light the way.

Editor – A Antonio

Photo Credit – http://media-cache-ec0.pinimg.com/736x/97/92/d6/9792d6164a4b92a8cddc26a5a6dc791b.jpg

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Recently I have discovered I have no right butting into the details of how my life unfolds.  Sounds kinda crazy RIGHT?  Let me explain.  Here goes, let’s set up some scenarios shall we…

Waiter and Tray Dinner Clip Art
Scenario 1:

You go into a restaurant you peruse the menu and choose your dining experience, a lite meal or a savory dish, either way you reach deep into your desires and feelings of what will nurture you at this moment.  You sit back and let the experts serve you, right?  You enjoy the full experience, the atmosphere, the sounds, maybe even feel yourself become more present with people around you.  You tune in to the subtle nuances surrounding you.  You open up to opportunities or even foresee giving help to a person reluctantly reaching out for assistance. Then when your dish arrives you are gracious and appreciative of the server as well as the cook and the time and efforts all the elements it took to have this experience.

Scenario 2: 

You go to a restaurant you check out the menu and choose what you want to eat, a lite meal or a savory dish.  Now, instead of trusting that experts will take care of your order, you nervously start thinking of all the things you may not have asked for in order to get the dish done right.  Mind chatter starts to take over, paranoia or that lacking feeling.  Hastily you run back into the kitchen where the magic happens, and you start wondering why the cook isn’t flipping this, or adding that. “Wait, What?, You’re not doing it right, I “think” it needs more of …” the list goes on.  Does this have the feel of a nice dining experience?   Are you setting yourself up for, not only some awkward moments, but your in the kitchen trying to control your experience while your missing out on your real truth, life’s lessons and opportunities as they present themselves at your table.  Even if your host is gracious and doesn’t kick you out of the restaurant; you will be so wound up that even trying to digest this meal won’t be pleasant or nurturing.  Mostly because it was not made with love and trust.

Love and trust, are two of the elements that can launch the creation of your desired dish of life.  Let’s take this a step further, shall we?  So now take these scenarios and apply them to our own life’s desires like placing our orders to the “universe”, then we maybe able to tangibly understand  the ludicrous behaviors we all, from time to time, have enacted to create our dreams.  I say the word tangible because this theory is not new, manifesting your desire or sending your order up to the “universe” through the law of attraction or as some of you know it from the movie “The Secret”.  Well, I agree with Abraham Hicks who has been talking about the “Law of Attraction” for decades.  The movie, yet effective in the way of getting out the initial message, did not really explain your part in the manifestation of it.  For me, and maybe many others, the thought of just letting go and letting the “Universe” take care of it seemed kinda to airy fairy.  Being known as a so called “hippie” from Topanga, you’d think I’d be all over that.  Well I’m a realist that embraces the fact that magic does happen when you resist control and let go of “your” idea of what you “think” you want or how it is “supposed” to go down.  Yet, I still find myself trying to control or set up the events and elements “I” feel are needed for my desire to to make the menu.  Having this vision now of a staff of people who have my best interests at heart, who are here to organize my “ALL INCLUSIVE” vacation of life;  I can sit back and just say to the “Universal Travel Agent”:  so what’s up for today?   Oh, we aren’t going there or that person isn’t joining the group?  OK cool, a change in the menu and a new experience.  So what is it I’m going to experience?   What will you dish out as my overall “big Picture” experience from the order I placed from the ever changing universal menu?

It is freeing knowing that you are here to enjoy your experience of life. You always have the opportunity at every moment to make a choice.  Because your travel agent is just ordering up what you asked for.  Saying no, or even not even realizing you passed up an opportunity to experience what you desire, may just be a sign that you are not ready to receive.  Being conscious and clear on what you want with no need to be realistic, dream big, trust that you are enough of a “RockStar” to deserve that experience.  Allow yourself to receive and pay attention to the details of enjoyment and possibly signs that are presenting themselves for you to change your order to better serve you as you evolve and grow.  Our palate  changes over the years, so don’t be stuck in a humdrum existence.  Be daring and try new things, you could be surprised, the magical experts that can pull a lot more strings then us can serve you up more then you could have ever dreamt up.   Now, Order up and enjoy your living vacation we call “LIFE”.  YUM

“I’ll take an order of Integrity with a dash of sexy, and a side of adventure to go Please 🙂 ”

 

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Life is An Experiment JPGWow !   Life sometimes just knocks at my door and this time I answer alert and conscious.   My swagger changes and a certain sense of awareness comes over me .  As I break my experience down to moments of satisfaction and overwhelming sense of contentment and importance.  A moment when I realize I am there for myself.  I can’t explain it, other than to say f or the first time consciously  “I really like myself ! ”   Where as the “cool” side of me really dug the “real” side of me and they bonded.  I seemed to experience a deep sense of respect for a side of me I’ve taken for granted.

Maybe we have never really gotten to know ourselves.  Honestly, do you really know yourself?  This is someone that you spend every moment with.  Have you become so codependent on yourself that you’ve given up?  Enabling and excusing your behavior due to not wanting to face your own need for growth? Or just justified your actions cause your too lazy to admit that you could be possibly wrong?  This person (part of yourself)  stands by you and puts up with all your shit.  They watch you as you drag them around through one situation after the next.  Whether it be a good time or bad.  They are always there, smiling or crying by your side.  So I ask you one more time. Do you really know yourself?  I mean can you depend on yourself?  Do you have your best interests at heart?  Have you not stood up for yourself? Have you let others overpower you?  I’m sure 80% of you could answer YES to at least one of those questions.

That’s why I have suddenly switched.  I can’t explain how other then my circle of evolution has come full circle.  It all makes sense suddenly .  I’m happy.  WOW,  really I am.  Nothing has changed, other then my perception of myself.  I’m there for myself for one of the first times.  I’ve proven to myself that I got my own back and won’t put myself into situation’s where I would have to figure my way out of.  I respect who and whom I spend my time with.  I keep an open heart to allow love in and have compassion for those who don’t know how.

These last few months have been heavy, one of my close friends lost her partner and another lost his teenage daughter.  I can’t imagine the pain they must feel, when life suddenly just switches gears .  This has really made me realize ;  we are truly alone in this world.  We have each other for support and companionship.  But we must have a good relationship with ourselves,  to be able to carry on when tragedy occurs.  Hold on and buckle up, cause the only thing we have control of , is the destination we desire.  Then the rest is up to our own internal navigation devise.  We get re-routed when there is a sudden detour in our course.  Keeping calibrated to our own soul as our internal authority we must use self care to provide the rest stops needed  along the way.

There is a calmness when you can surrender to your own respect and become proud of who you are.  Honored to discover new mysteries about yourself and find unheard of strengths you didn’t realize  you had.  These attributes and findings come when you believe in yourself and allow the vulnerable you to flower.   Finding a way to have self – esteem  through all the dark places  you may go,  when faced with your old story.  Rising above what others think of you and concentrate on what you think of others.

Let your first instinct to love and have compassion be the forefront in decision making.  It is not your place to control how others think of you it’s actually none of your business.  What is your business is how you think of yourself.  You have every right to Love whomever you choose.  Or not be friends with whomever you choose as well.  It does go both ways.  Mainly it is not to get yourself caught up in this web of mistrust and insecurities.  The most confident person you know has moments of insecurities, don’t you ever think differently.  We are all in this experience together.  That’s why we concentrate on our own experiment and leave our other lab partners to their own.   This way at the end of the day we can share our discoveries and create a world of  mind- blowing revolutions that will evolve our spirits to creating the funnest, loving experience we have ever imagined.   I’m ready to share the Nobel Prize of Life with you.  So do your studies … concentrate your attention on the subject at hand… YOU.

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Lets face it the holidays can be hectic but lets embrace this hustle bustle energy and use it to our advantage.  Taking a close look at some of the words used to describe the holiday season, I noticed that if we feel overwhelmed it might be that we are stuck in the action (verb) of a words energy.   Instead of action, we could signify the word with its actual physical and abstract identity (noun) such as a state (happiness) or a quality (beauty). Take a look…

verb: hustle – force (someone) to move hurriedly or unceremoniously in a specified direction, push roughly; jostle

verb: bustle – move in an energetic or noisy manner. (of a place) be full of activity

vs: 

noun: hustle – busy movement and activity

noun: bustle – excited activity and movement, liveliness, 

I don’t know about you but I’d rather take the energy of excitement and liveliness than the feeling of experiencing chaos and hurriedness.  So, the next time you are feeling sad, stressed or lonely remember you could be stuck in the action energy and not the actual meaning or state of being.  Even though the holidays are filled with family, joy and celebration for what love we share, our unique gifts.  The holidays are also known as a catalyst for peoples depression.  So this blog is for the people who may not have that family or joy or the celebratory feeling.  Don’t despair my friends, the honest truth is you are just fine.  No need to get caught up in what you think you need or what society flashes at you during the holidays.  Remember those advertisements are not there to spread the meaning of the holidays, ads are there to SELL products and make money.

So bless all of our hearts when and if we get sucked into that impressive sales pitch.  REMEMBER this… deep down inside you are loved.  Yes, I may be coming across all Topanga hippy right now since I lived there most of my adult life but follow me on this one.   Inside of you there is a unique gift that no one else carries and you were born to share that gift.  Money, career, children are not a measure of your special gift.  It’s your vulnerable expression that can be shared for free.  Just a moment of consideration for a stranger, or a smile can go miles.  So instead of perceiving your life through Verbs . . .   take action to express the experience of living through Verbs.  That way you can understand and appreciate what life has to offer as expressed via the experience of the nouns:  people, places and things — “each other”.  We can not attach actions to a person, a location or an item because they are not verbs.  Our expressions are verbs so show LOVE and Smile and Hug and Laugh.   Let life be your Noun and living be your Verb.

But lets get back to the basics at home.  If you’ find yourself unable to afford a new hip gift for your child or you can’t get your wife that expensive necklace, reach beyond the action of getting these gifts and analyze your reasons behind this behavior.  Your child wants the new cool gift because he or she wants to feel accepted and be like all the other kids. That shiny new necklace you want for your wife is so that she feels the beauty she reflects to you, right?  So lets spin it and take if for what it is.  Encourage your child’s uniqueness and maybe explore other options that are more affordable right now.  Coming from your heart and grounding your sincerity is empowering and can bring more appreciation and joy than you could ever give by a trendy toy or a piece of jewelry.

Let’s strip down this year.  I didn’t mean like that, hee hee  –let’s be vulnerable and still.  We tend to move a bit slower when we have dropped our armor.  So reveal yourself and take your time, allow your senses to guide you in the direction that is right for YOU.  The end of the year is for hibernating and re-calibrating into your own center.  This is true for you even if you have a huge family and feel yourself being pulled around.  Set aside even a moment in the shower to check in and appreciate.  For some of you it may just be appreciating your health and/or an income.  For others it could be your partner or children.  Either way we can remember it is our perception of what goes on around us.

As for me I have found my center and have been in this energy of contentment for awhile now.  Reaching inside I have found the strength of my own choices and embodied my own love.  This has allowed me to have extra love to share and be able to express my gift during the holidays with my loved ones.  Most of all spreading this cheer with a stranger.  Happy Holidays my friends and remember Joy to the World starts from within.

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Are we really different from one another? Men from Women, Country from Country, Nationality from Nationality?  I’ve been noticing lately with all of this Worldwide access to one another over the internet, as well as talking with friends and family that we all follow a common ‘like”.  We all want to be Loved, have Empathy, be Acknowledged, Appreciated, Respected, Joyful, and have Peace of Mind. For me Love is the glue that can keep all of these elements together. Unconditional, International, Unexplainable LOVE.  Once we open our hearts to each other I see how a net of trust forms that can create a safe space to give and receive.  Sharing that energy leads us into Empathy.   Once we have that understanding or being aware of, we can’t help but experience a state of Acknowledgement.   When we can have that recognition we can then Appreciate.  With that understanding of something or someone’s value or worth, it would undoubtedly lead us to having Respect.  With a sense of fondness, enthusiasm, passion, devotion brings the energy to Enjoy and rejoice in the human condition.  As we rejoice in that moment, sharing that energy whether it is as calming as Contentment, Lightheartedness, to Exhilaration or Ecstasy we are in a state of well-being.  AHH I don’t know about you but my heart is wide open with LOVE.  Mind you I don’t think we can walk around unconscious.  There is a feeling of self-awareness that is our indicator of our boundaries.  But whether your Relationship is coming from a Spiritual place or a Personal place, it starts with Love.  I guess it starts with Loving one another or Loving a God, for that matter Loving anything.  Having Love in our hearts.  There is no doubt why people find comfort in the phrase “As God is my witness”.  It starts with the Love and builds from there.  I’ll start by saying I Love that all of you that taken the time to open your hearts and read what I have to say.  I feel a sense of communion which brings all of these stages to light.