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There’s nothing like just sitting with your old friend.  It’s like that comfortable feeling of coming home, free to just be you, knowing that you are safe with no fear of being open and honest.  Yet, sitting with an old friend that you have outgrown or has been dishonest with you can feel down right toxic.  This kind of person is constantly in a state of fear or victimhood.  They inevitably end up judging you or pressuring you but most of all creating unnecessary drama.  

I honestly came to a standstill; I was over it.  Could this be the last straw?  All I wanted was to leave or go to sleep so I didn’t have to discuss or feel this pain any longer.  Constant chatter and endless emotions sent me into a tailspin. The sense of inevitable doom charged the moment… and I felt myself reacting. I would do anything to shut them up. During these times I would reach for anything to distract them:  party, escape into a mindless movie, Facebook surf, seek others attention, mind numbing actions, but never facing the situation heart on.  

Stewing in my exhaustion, I recognized the need to take a moment to calmly sit with them in silence.  Eventually I created a space which allowed me to not react but become grounded in my personal power.  I was able to take this time to question and feel what was awaiting me. What are the triggers or stories that stir me up?  It’s said that when a particular trigger is set off it is a reflection of something that we do not like within ourselves.  I attempted to remain calm during this uncomfortable space, and eventually these awkward waves of energy dissipated.  I was able to see that their intentions were coming from the right place. They may have sensed I was not being 100% honest with my own needs or not coming from that special place in my heart thus leading them to feel unsafe with me and constantly testing my intentions.  

I needed to contribute more of my authentic self to our relationship to bring safety within our bond.  It was remarkable how this silence gave me the space to learn how to manage our relationship. I had to remind myself to remain in my heart and not my head space.  This allowed for empathy and compassion to surface which eases anger and frustration. As much as they can be so annoying and constantly challenge me, I love them so much and I know how much they love me.  We have been through a lot together and I can see how it could be easy to judge and become over protective.  I appreciate that they care enough to not want me hurt or harmed in anyway.   

When I finally took the time to slow the situation down and not react, I saw how I ultimately was the one who allowed the other to control my state of mind.  Constantly testing me, by dragging me from one place to the next, sabotaging opportunities, not trusting, becoming jealous, mindless, needy.  I started to allow this golden moment of silence to blanket us with reassurance that we can trust in each other.  Allowing us to get to the heart of the matter.  Once I became more of a witness rather then the victim, I was able to breath, and embrace the ultimate Love that they so innocently have for me.  My heart became more open and I felt so much more calm and hopeful and optimistic for our future. I guess I just had to acknowledge them and let them know I love them, I hear them and they can trust that we got this.  Sometimes we have to be the bigger person in the relationship, and lead with awareness of their needs, and respect loving boundaries. I allowed that space to be there for both of us to be safe, to be vulnerable and more open with greater opportunities to grow. 

I’m sharing this with you all cause we all share a relationship like this.  Ours is not unique, but unique to me.   This kind of relationship is with yourself.  As we spend more time creating that space and silence, we allow our relationships with ourselves to blossom.  Let’s face it, He or She are in it with you for the long haul, so you best get to know them.  Gives a whole new meaning to BFF.

Editor: Anita Antonio 

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1_BrandYourselfWhat are you?   Activist?   Spiritual Yogi?  Party Animal, Health Nut, Rockstar?  Recently I’ve been doing my own study on Facebook’s Posts.  The term is to “Post it to your Wall”.  I’ve found that this feature, even though a very convenient way to keep in touch, is one of man’s creations with the possibility of becoming the internet Frankenstein.  At first, my optimistic spirit found it a way to exercise the intimacy muscle. A place for society to have a way to get out of their own lives and actually invest some intimate time with each other. After all, it is a safe place to express yourself, share opinions, and stay on top of your family photos.

Soon enough this social media monster created it’s own “Viral” frenzy.  Spreading amongst each one of us.  Plaguing us with symptoms of  judgement and ridicule.  Whether you are active on it or not, we all exist with a GPS on us at all times, investigating each others every move. People get tagged and checked into locations without their knowledge as a sea of surveillance videos and smart phones are clicking away without us even saying “Cheese”.   Soon this ego driven machine created an internet wave of a false sense of connection.  Everyone suddenly knew where you were, what you “Liked”, how you looked and even who you were with. I don’t know about you but I started to feel like we were in an interactive Tabloid with the same dirty feel, which leads to no good.  The repercussions of this type of tabloid style media can be detrimental to our mental state in society as a whole.  We start getting paranoid and caring about how people judge us? Comparing your social lives to each others, feeling inadequate or competitive.  Trying to get approval by the number of “likes” you get, or feeling invisible or not loved cause you didn’t even get a “like” at all.

This kind of atmosphere only promotes assumptions by who your tagged with.  Jealousy, revenge, and manipulation come into play when the green eyed monster hazes and as this machine manipulates your insecurities plus controls your time.  Suddenly you find yourself looking at pictures of people you don’t even know.  We all have found ourselves going down that rabbit hole a time or two, feeling like a stalker.  Sure I admit I love to keep my friends and family informed of places I’ve experienced but at times these posts can be material for a persona you may want to create of yourself.  Living in the age of “Branding”, I feel even individuals have started to create an image they are selling of themselves.  This literally creates a data profile based on what you post on your “Wall”, hand selected by you to show the world.  But what goes on behind the almighty “Wall”?

Well, upon further investigation, I discovered, things aren’t always the way they appear on the “WALL”.  Couples that appear to be happily in love may be at the verge of divorce.  The adorable family shot may be after this poor family had a terrible fight or no sleep from their colicky baby.  Don’t assume or be jealous of even those glamor shots of random women or men who pose conveniently posted, that can be from a person who is truly lonely inside and is looking for attention. Groups of friends you assume are BFF’s may not even talk to each other other then the events they go to.  So, people let’s try to assume we are all the same, ’cause funny enough, we are. We are all humans, expressing ourselves.  Hiding behind this “Wall” we are vulnerable enough to share with others.  So let’s encourage each other to lighten up and be organic and intimate.

I found when people were vulnerable on their Wall with problems, a lot of their FB friends don’t know how to deal with it.  They just try to comment with the old, “it will be alright” or “cheer up”.  Yet what about calling that person?  Even private message them if you don’t have the phone number of all of the 800 friends you have. Yep that’s me, I am in the 800 club.  Time to clear out My Own Private Idaho of “followers”.  Wow, now that’s not pretentious.

Wrapping up my discovery and final analysis of Facebook and, honestly, all social media.  I want to go back to the basics, the essentials, being Organic.  I will use it as a tool and not be a “tool”.  I will share my life with people I Truly consider my “Friends”.  I will not be a slave to every notification that starts to take over my productive day.  I also will reach out to the new friends I don’t have phone numbers for and make time for us to get to know one another, other than as a celebrity on the “Branding Machines”.  Remember in “Frankenstein” he really was tender but didn’t know how to deal with his emotions.  Let’s try to help learn together and not turn into Monsters.  ‘Cause it could get Ugly.