Boundaries

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A friend recently told me there is some truth to the phrase “All You Need Is Love”.  I’ve been blessed to experience the shine of Love; not only from a lover, but from friends and family as well.  Brightness appeared when I stopped searching the darkness for a light bringing me to the realization that the light was shining within me.  Do you want to know why?  Well, I am that light I have been seeking all along.

Throughout my lifetime I never knew that I have been dimming my own inner light so as not to blind others.  Conditioned by societal fears and insecurities I pondered on what is safe or what is the “Right thing to Do”  which caused me to get caught up in second guessing myself and questioning my own authentic heart.  My insecurities brought me to a place of awkwardness for the Love I wanted to share with another plus even the act of accepting the Love of another made me feel exposed.  I associated my compassion and curiosity for people as neediness and weakness.  Once I recognized these feelings within myself, I was able to observe all the dimmed lights around me. We all have a tendency not to shine as bright as we are. Love is the dial that turns that light up. We must work from within to be able to access that switch. First, observe and admire who you are deep down.  Accept and appreciate that unique individuality that we all possess, and offer that special kind of Love to one another.  Holding that Love space for each other is like being a recharging station for one another.  We have the power to recharge our Love light within ourselves.  The key is to allow yourself to be silly yet deep, and vulnerable yet have boundaries.  With every encounter we can practice this kind of exchange with one another.  The mere thought of this has my heart bursting inside with joy and gratitude.

Take the time to bear witness to others stories and experiments with life.  Be open to possibilities that stem from the heart rather than the head.  Express feelings with one another, yet do not make another responsible for yours.  Open communication can be challenging at first and even a bit hurtful during the learning process. The more we refrain from passing judgement and allow each other to practice with each other, we can empower ourselves to respect the fact that we all working out our own stuff.  Having clear intentions while communicating is important and gives certainty that you are coming from a place of love and not attacking.  Maybe this way we can give each other a bit of a break and know it’s just a learning curve.  Each one of these steps just brings our authentic self forward without fear and brightens your internal light.

So, for instance, if you truly are doing your best to communicate your needs to someone and it comes across hurtful or blaming to them.  It is their responsibility to express how that felt, without finding fault in you.  Open communication is a learning experience where all parties have to participate with full trust and no fear. Basically we are holding up a mirror for one another to recognize how our words make each other feel; as well as reflecting their own light back to them.  It takes a lot of LOVE and courage to be honest with another person, and the greatest amount of courage to be honest with yourself.  You share a great gift with a person when you are able to have healthy boundaries and still can agree to disagree.  Being heard and respected with sincerity lends force to the light we shine. Think of your internal light as a spotlight …remember your mom always told you to be careful where you direct your flashlight as a kid?  Well it’s the same concept your not going to just beam that light into someones face without warning, be prepared that not everyone is ready for that kind of exposure.  This will take time as we mature into holding our light and others with respect. Judgement and expectations of others to receive our love are unrealistic, if anything it just blankets the truth and dims both of our lights. If we can take responsibility for ourselves as our own internal parent we can allow that shine not to feel so scary or mistrusting.  All we have is each other to express this burning desire to be seen and admired for that beautiful Love we all carry.

Do you know who you are?  Have you witnessed yourself lately?  Do you recognize the impact your presence has on your friends and family?  Do the homework cause you will be surprised how each one of us has a role in this crazy world.  It’s time to find yours.  I encourage and challenge you all.  Share your experiences, when you do you could be a guiding light for that Love to shine.  There are many people that feel the same way you do.  We are all little Love Fireflies.  When we unite, and share, we create a beautiful chain of Love that shines and helps light the way.

Editor – A Antonio

Photo Credit – http://media-cache-ec0.pinimg.com/736x/97/92/d6/9792d6164a4b92a8cddc26a5a6dc791b.jpg

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When your past stories reemerge, the toxins are soon to follow.  It’s tough to stomach the old ways of your defense mechanisms.  You start to suffer from “food for thought” poisoning.

So many knots in the stomach cause you limitations: preventing you from following through, keeping you from taking chances, or inhibiting you from showing up.

You build countless excuses for why you aren’t available for success.  I mean, hell, you just don’t feel well; you have too many jangled nerves creating a myriad of toxic thoughts echoing throughout your system.  Oh, we poor victimized humans, casualties of our own circumstances.  Well, now is the time to take a dose of good old “Pep Talk Dismiss All”.

Consider these cramps of discomfort as signs that you are growing beyond what served your past.  These old ways may have nurtured and comforted you previously but now that you have developed a more mature palate it’s just like consuming fast food.  As you out grow the FAST “Solution” method of handling yourself you’ll develop a more serene self.

For me, I see now that the crumbs of my past, for which I am expected to survive on, no longer serve me well.  I prefer to sit down and trust that my needs will be met. It is more like setting a lovely table to process the events of my life.

Imagine a 4 to 7 course meal.  What’s cooking?  It’s time to figure out the menu.  Put a real plan in place.  If you want a new job or an event you desire to attend, you look to the past where you took short cuts or acted out of fear. Perhaps you got the job or you attended the event but how much did you sacrifice along the way? It’s time to stop settling and slowly lose your soul in the process. That’s why SOUL FOOD is so good, because it’s filled with LOVE.  What I am saying is take the steps along the way to make sure you have healthy boundaries.

Time to plan the menu for a 4-course meal:

  1. Express what you want or what is right for you, “How You Roll”
  2. Be vulnerable & trust you’re worth it.  Risk letting go of what may not have served you in the past. Qualify your desires.
  3. Compromise, realize it may not be all about you and there’s a give and take.  Don’t take things personally.
  4. Be open and receiving. We are all human with degrees of insecurities.  This teaches compassion for others and us.  Sometimes the greatest joy in humanity is to be able to give to another human being. So maybe you allowing someone to give to you — is actually YOU GIVING TO THEM.

Intimate relationships are on the menu too.  Repeat steps 1 through 4 and plan for a 7-course meal:

  1. Check in with each other – Communicate.  People grow and fears emerge.  Hold a special tender space for each other.
  2. Bare witness:  keep each other accountable.  Never fear to hold a mirror up to what they may not want to see.
  3. The most DELICIOUS item on the menu: appreciate and express your love.  There are a lot of us that don’t want to be the one that loves the other person more than they love us.  So without looking weak we tend to play it safe.  Yet in the long run we miss out on that precious feeling of admiration and joy that can fill our hearts.

It’s all about respecting and trusting you. Once you can do that, you have the ability to respect and trust all others.  Once your souls are filled with your own well-being, you can have enough to share with others.  Feed your soul first then you can be of service and a positive example for all humanity.

I know for me I occasionally backslide into my fast food solutions and quickly feel the difference in my body.  I become insecure and/or angry.  Once I purge out my fears and acknowledge that I may still need a healthier solution.  I remember I have no need to go “there” any longer.

Stop and listen before swallowing the ideas you are presented.  Consciously take in what is nurturing your soul.  Is it from the ravishing depths of fear or from the grateful gardens of love?

Recognize if you tend to go to the side of fear, you may need to fill yourself up with more joys that feed your soul.  Start making a list of events, people, crafts, and hobbies that just takes you to that yummy place. So when you see the food truck of “fear” coming your way, you can take a breath and refocus on your diet of blissful foods.’’

I hope that helps. Think of this a “recipe for success”

from My Soul Kitchen to Yours.16098-jessica-biel-1920x1200-celebrity-wallpaper

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When you obsess about something and stay in your head you’re like a dog with a bone. You can’t let it go!  Take a moment to realize which way your dog’s head goes as he’s devouring it, does it go back and forth or left to right, hmmm? Side to side seems like a “NO” “NO” gesture. Dogs also bury their bones to protect their treasure from getting taken from others, only to dig it up periodically, paranoid that it’s been discovered.  We humans do the same thing with our stuff. You may find yourself constantly barking about something, defending and exhausting yourself, because you don’t feel safe unless you hang onto that one thing.  Sometimes we don’t even know what we are trying to protect.

I could tell you of my own experience when I get locked into an obsession. I can justify my every move to the observing or questioning parties. Knowing my motives and even predict of the person involved or to stay obsessed in guarding my stance. At this point you’ll almost get rabid.  I looked up the definition of “rabid” and as you can see below:

ra·bid

a :  extremely violent :  furious 

b :  going to extreme lengths in expressing or pursuing a feeling, interest, or opinion

Rabies actually affects the gray matter of the dog’s brain and its central nervous system (CNS).  We can actually become hypnotic and loss all sense of reasoning. This may not be as extreme for every situation but if you are finding yourself to suddenly being non approachable and peoples reactions are trying to calm you down.  You may want to check the white foamy stuff on your chin.  I’m just saying.

Yet in reality if we took a step back and trusted the outcome, we would be provided for, whether it be financially or in love.  Maybe if we wouldn’t act like an obsessed salivating guard dog and instead we trusted in what is, there are more possibilities that could be. I know I don’t need to run back and forth defending or justifying, barking my point. I can now have a defined boundaries of what I desire and deserve in my life, and I can still feel like that adorable puppy that is playful and excited all that life brings. She gets to enjoy and appreciate the adventures that come her way as well as trusting there will always be that warm soul to snuggle up to at the end of the day.  Ahhhhhh 🙂 Now that feels way better. I’m letting the bone go and allowing myself to be housebroken.  To all of us who have stayed in that pound of fear, set yourself free and rejoice in the playground of life.

PHOTO CREDIT:  Jennifer Lynn Browne http://doggydujour.blogspot.com

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Only The Shadow Know… Or Does it?

I’ve wrote and rewrote this blog about four times. I’ve even found other parts I wrote months ago that I never posted. This must mean a lot to me. I usually steam line and just ramble away for all of our entertainment and retrospect. I realize Graceful Boundaries and self awareness is the key to moving forward with each other as a society at whole. OK, so I’ll break it down as best I can, since I’ve been down this rabbit hole for a week now, trying to find my way out. I’ve written myself into a rut, with no way out or any sense for anyone to see the light. Well Here Goes . . .

Each one of us (well the majority of us) has a shadow side i.e. the unknown triggers or buttons that control our decision making. Which effects our choices, whether they be big ones or even the smallest ones.
SO, when the shadow side seems to be the only one who KNOWS, what your next move is, it’s like driving through life without your lights on. Sure at times it’s a sunny day and everything is fine, but there are moments when the shadow side arrises and your insecurities and fears may steer your vehicle and you end up lost, not taking responsibility to follow your intuition and shine the light on your motives. If we all drive around through life without taking responsibility for our own choices then we end up in a social standstill with everyone blaming the other person for the crash, which escalates into not trusting each other’s motives because we don’t even know our own and we start taking out insurances to protect our best interest. WTF how did our society become so mistrusting of our own boundaries? You have your lane and I have mine right? We see someone coming towards us and, we have a choice we can choose to collide with their energy or we can gracefully put our blinkers on and politely take a different route. Simple right? Not so much when your not even seeing oncoming traffic in your mind.

To simplify even more, let’s all take responsibility for our own vehicle. I promise to you all, I will have graceful boundaries and express to you when I feel I need to step away or proceed. I will not feel obligated nor will I feel like I am doing you a favor do to you? Whether you choose to turn on your lights are not is your choice, I am not responsible for you. Yet, I am eager to set an example to have self respect and get to know your limits. If driving fast isn’t your speed then slow your roll. Why do we still allow our old story of the past triggers to relive within new situations?

When you feel within your body a hesitation, you might feel like you just want to be nice and not be rude, or you avoid the situation entirely and basically pull over and sit with your hazard lights on waiting for someone to save you. Well wake up kids, “no one is coming to save you”, I heard that from Katherine Woodward Thomas say in one of her podcast. It hit me pretty good.

As a fun practice today:
Observe yourself
Starting by asking for simple things you need, like “can I get a straw please” or “this is not what I ordered” , or “No thank you, I appreciate your concern but I prefer” …

Notice how you feel in your body, anchor into that and take those simple request of self care into your conversation. Set the stage by not blaming yet genuinely expressing what you admire about that person. Then apologize for not recognizing your fears have actually limited your potential for the higher good of everyone concerned.

When we Dissipate the drama behind any moment of taking care of ourselves we realize it could be as simple as, “can you pass the salt please? ” You are not putting anybody out when you respect yourself, you are setting an example of courage that they themselves can reflect on ten fold. Being honest in your vulnerability takes courage and anyone worth having in your life will recognize and appreciate that. Tell someone you love them . . . tell someone you have to leave them . . . let your truth rise through the darkness and shine. Let it shine… let it shine.

The shadow don’t know shit!!
Safe driving out there. Shine the light on me. I encourage the self awareness.

into_the_sun_bw

Photo Credit:  http://tau0.wordpress.com/